Fairly straightforward relationship question

[Sad, little man]

Say hypothetically you found someone who seems like a really great person overall, but physically you just don't find them very attractive. Not ugly, just not really your type. What do you do in that case? Move on?

[thesameguy]

If you have to ask, then you already know the answer.

[Sad, little man]

Yeah, in a way I guess so..... Shit. :|

[Drachen596]

just cause they are awesome doesn't mean you have to date them or in some cases should date them in the first place.

[Leon]

Sounds as though they are going to be a friend.

[G'day Mate]

Really guys? I'm going to have to say it? *sigh* Oh well ...

In the butt

[Freude am Fahren]

Well, since G'day already said it, option b:

http://cdn.trendhunterstatic.com/thumbs/paper-bag-head.jpeg

[Yw-slayer]

Agreed. Hit it.

[Sad, little man]

No, I really don't have any desire to run around fucking everything with a pulse. I guess I'll just move on.

[Crazed_Insanity]

physical attraction would be a nice bonus, but really shouldn't be a deal breaker. If she is fucking ugly to you, then that's a different story. Think of it this way, would you rather have the other extreme? A gorgeous super model type, not really a slutty whore, but with a super boring personality. Would you rather have that?

If you just want a good fuck, sure, go for that. However if you're thinking longterm relationship, I wouldn't place so much emphasis on physical beauty. Remember, physical beauty won't be able to withstand the test of time either.

I'd Keep her around as a friend for now and leave my options open.

[Sad, little man]

I don't think she's ugly, but I do feel like it kind of may be a deal breaker. I mean, if I simply have almost no desire to sleep with this person, then how can that be the basis of a significant and long-lasting relationship?

I don't really want any "extreme." I would gladly be involved with someone who is at least somewhat attractive to me.

I don't feel that I'm placing "so much" emphasis on physical beauty. For the moment at least, I'm pushing ahead with a relationship with someone that I don't find physically attractive. But ultimately I'm just don't feel that excited or lucky to be involved with this person.

And yes, I understand that physical beauty won't stand the test of time. But if I get seriously involved with someone I don't find beautiful even right now when both of us are pretty young, I can't imagine things doing anything but going downhill from here.

[GB]

The longer you know her, the more attractive she may become. You never know what might happen in the future.

[Sad, little man]

The longer you know her, the more attractive she may become.
I'm not following you here.

[Cam]

When you love someone, they are more attractive to you.

How a person looks does not equate to attractiveness, in my opinion. For me, what makes someone attractive is a combination of their attitude, intelligence, poise, ability to communicate, and how they present themselves. Looks is factored into the equation, of course, but is less important to me than non-physical attributes. I would take an average-looking lady with smarts and a good attitude over a vain supermodel any day. I'm lucky to have found a lady that, I feel, is above average in all attributes. :)

[Sad, little man]

Average looking is fine, I agree. Again, no one is talking about supermodels here. But it's hard for me to just completely, 100% overlook the physical attractiveness standpoint.

[TheBenior]

That's normal.

Physical attraction is a pretty important (some research suggests the most important) part of most successful relationships, particularly in the first several years.

[Jason]

If you aren't attracted, it's a deal breaker, in my book. But I'm king of short term failed relationships. ;)

[Crazed_Insanity]

IMHO, we only need to force ourselves to 'move on' if I'm the one who's in love, but she's not really all that into me. If the situation were reversed, why not keep her as a friend for now? Why must we move on just because she's not attractive enough? If she decided to move on, then let her. If she demands exclusive relationship, you could always say no... Not ready yet... For now, be friends. See if she can become more attractive to you. If not, you can still have a good friend. We don't always need to have sexual relationships.

[The359]

Does she have a sister?

[Fogelhund]

No need to over think this. If you aren't attracted, you aren't... perhaps you will become so in time, or not.

[drew]

Ass. Pop. Drapes. Leave.

[Cam]

Wank. Stomp. Crabmeat?

[Kchrpm]

Tell her to hit the gym and watch some YouTube videos on how to properly apply makeup or your anaconda won't want none.

[Kchrpm]

Serious answer: the fact you're asking the question means she likely has a special personality, and you should spend and enjoy time with her even if nothing romantic is intended or results. The goal of every relationship between a man and woman doesn't have to be sex and/or long term partnership.

[Rare White Ape]

I say move on, because you never know where that will lead. It could be somewhere better, or you could end up right back with this girl. If it's the latter, well, hey!

Life is good at throwing these curve balls at you.

[Godson]

I too have wondered this. I'm still single fwiw

[Yw-slayer]

The goal of every relationship between a man and woman doesn't have to be sex and/or long term partnership.

That's just crazy talk, bro.

[Rare White Ape]

The only way that ever works is if she's below a 7 on the hawtness scale, above 8 on the crazy scale, or if she is (or you are) already screwing someone else.

[Kchrpm]

It sounds like she's below a 7 on slm's hawtness scale.

[Jason]

Sometimes crazy adds to the hotness scale... until you're in a relationship with them.

Whoops. :|

[Kchrpm]

Sometimes crazy adds to the hotness scale... until you're in a relationship with them.

Whoops. :|

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[TheBenior]

This thread got me thinking about how the wife and I are each other's types for physical attraction.

Her type: non-traditionally attractive dark-haired white guys, and this white(ish) guy has almost black hair and vaguely 'ethnic' facial features.

My type: low 5' range, skin darker than mine and a disproportionately large butt, and she's 5'3" and black.

[Sad, little man]

I guess that's what I'm saying... I can't really say this person is unattractive in the general sense of the word. But when I picture the type of person I would actually be attracted to, she's far from that. So, yeah...

[Rare White Ape]

For the purposes of carrying out the in-depth research that we are renowned for, we need pics.

Or a link to her Facey page.

Just sayin.

[G'day Mate]

I concur.

[Sad, little man]

Well, that's definitely not going to happen...

[Rare White Ape]

What about just a titty shot with her head cropped out?

[Rare White Ape]

For research.

[21Kid]

Ross, you have hair?!?!? :finger:



Just stay friends with her... Your tastes may change in the future. Or you may find her personality is what you become attracted to. You never know...
If not, you still have a good friend that you get along with really well. No problem with that.

[tigeraid]

http://nikonites.com/attachments/telephoto/89644d1400376867-my-sharpness-test-results-tamron-150-600-a-yodapic.jpg



iiiiiiregardless... I will say this. My wife looks absolutely NOTHING like the "type" of woman that I find physically attractive. I like skinny, she's got a big ass, I like short blond or red hair, she has long brown hair, I like blue eyes, she has brown, I like small-ish tits, she has big ones.

And yet our relationship, including sex, is spectacular, and I have zero complaints. All of the other positives, particularly in bed, greatly outweigh the idea of picturing her on the cover of my own personal Maxim magazine.

[Crazed_Insanity]

Anyway, it sounded like you have no problem moving on since your original post. You also don't think she is butt ugly... so as long as you don't find her repulsive, I think it's worth exploring this further. If you remember the freaking System, know that interest level can change over time. Obviously you don't have very high IL at the moment, but that could change over time... and as it moves up, she will become more and more attractive to you. Love works just like Alcohol, except better! ;) Of course reverse could be true too. You IL could drop more and more and eventually she'll become repulsive to you...

last question: Is it fun being with her?

If it's not even that fun at all, then yeah, move on and quit wasting any more of each other's time.

[Sad, little man]

Well, we were going to do something tonight, but she ended up being busy. I have to say that I feel more relieved than disappointed, which is an odd feeling in this circumstance to say the least. I guess I should wind this thing down. I mean, I still do want to be friends, because who knows. I can't believe I'm actually thinking of friend zoning somebody. :erm: It's like the bizarro world.

[Kchrpm]

I have friend-zoned women before. The friend-zone is not evil, it's just a reality that can sometimes suck.

[G'day Mate]

Does she have hot friends?

[Godson]

Does she have hot friends?



Silver lining.


I like your style.

[harper]

Well, we were going to do something tonight, but she ended up being busy. I have to say that I feel more relieved than disappointed, which is an odd feeling in this circumstance to say the least. I guess I should wind this thing down. I mean, I still do want to be friends, because who knows. I can't believe I'm actually thinking of friend zoning somebody. :erm: It's like the bizarro world.

between the initial question and this response, it's pretty easy to tell where you stand. And that's not a bad thing! It's better than wasting both of your time. And friend zone'ing somebody is only painful if you let it be. If you say "you're cool but I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now" and make it clear, then it might sting her slightly but at least you're being direct. Don't hint or lead on, just be direct about how you feel. The old "tearing off a band-aid" analogy is clear.

it's really easy to overthink things, especially relationships. Are you attracted to her or not? You'll know. That can be frustrating to hear, especially when you're analytical and like to break everything down and understand the reasons, but trust me, you'll have a good inkling that yes, this is a girl you're interested in. Sounds like in this case you didn't have that.