I can't be silent on this topic any more

[Sad, little man]

For a long time I've avoided talking about this. I've simply been too embarrassed to speak of it. Up until now, I've just accepted this as something I cannot change, even though I know it's not right. But now I see that more people are coming forward and speaking out. It's even making it into the news now, so I feel more empowered to have a frank and open discussion about this.





I am of course talking about abandoning or supplementing the use of toilet paper in favor of more technologically advanced methods of self-cleansing.

http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2014/04/toto_washlet_s350e_the_incredible_japanese_wonder_ toilet_that_will_change.html

I really want an advanced Japanese toilet seat. Toilet paper is a terrible and ineffective product. Why doesn't anybody in this country understand that? I just don't want to face the ridicule that would undoubtedly come from visitors when they see that I have a computerized toilet seat in my bathroom. And, I need to figure out how I can run power down to my toilet.

[Random]

We had bidets on our toilets in Switzerland--they are sweet. These weren't anything fancy--you pulled a lever on teh side of the toilet, and the bidet wand deployed beneath you, then the water came out. :)

[21Kid]

What amazes me is that 99% of the toilet paper is virgin paper. :? Why not use recycled paper? I mean look at what you're doing with it. Do you really need new, fresh, unadulterated paper for that?

I'd fully welcome the 3 seashell method!!! Bring on future toilets!!!

You may want to notify guests, at least, before they get a clean up squirt. That could be quite a surprise if they're not ready for it.

[Sad, little man]

I don't think any of the functions are automated aside from cleaning every 8hrs and the automatic seat raising and lowering on the really high end model... Just don't go pushing buttons on the remote.

[thesameguy]

I've used bidets but have never really formed an impression about them, positive or negative. Just kinda a meh experience. But there is no denying the dumb problems associated with toilet paper and anywhere waste can be cut it should so I say go for it.

[Random]

#californiaproblems: is the extra water use worse than the paper use? Hmm...

Maybe I can balance out the extra water use by installing a half-flush toilet at the same time. :D

[21Kid]

Doesn't it take a lot of water to create the paper in the first place?

[Random]

Yes.

[thesameguy]

Tough to say where the conservation is best done. Not unlike the "buy a new Prius or run an old pickup" discussion. I wish there was a research group that produced somewhat simplified, bias-free facts about consumption to help people make better decisions. Obviously there is no free lunch anywhere, but I'm sure given any two alternatives that produce essentially the same result, one is probably better for the world than the other. It'd be nice to know that stuff.

[Kchrpm]

Is that something Consumer Reports should attempt? Is that close to their mission statement?

Also: have a bidet'd toilet with toilet paper next to it for the people who aren't comfortable using it.

[neanderthal]

#californiaproblems: is the extra water use worse than the paper use? Hmm...

Maybe I can balance out the extra water use by installing a half-flush toilet at the same time. :D

Counterpoint.

Wouldn't using bidets mean easier water recycling/ sewage/ grey water treatment.

It really is a conundrum.

[Sad, little man]

Well yeah Keith, I'm not saying eradicate the toilet paper completely. I think it would still need to be used for drying. But, it's time for this country to start being honest with itself and admit that just wiping ourselves with dry processed pieces of a tree simply does not do the job adequately. You need some sort of moisture in the equation to have any hope of things being somewhat sanitary.

[21Kid]

Baby wipes work amazingly... too bad you can't flush them.

[Rare White Ape]

Why worry about bidets and water consumption when you can just meet a nice German girl who will lick it clean for you?

[Crazed_Insanity]

Really? What's so special with her German heritage?

[speedpimp]

Really? What's so special with her German heritage?

It's not really her Deutsch heritage, but the fact that she'll let you use her as human toilet paper.

[Blerpa]

Germans are famous for scat sexual interests.

I live in Italy, about the only country in the world where a proper classic bidet is a compulsory toilet accessory: you, shit, you wipe and *THEN* you *also* wash your ass while sit on the bidet.
No japanese electronic stuff (yes, they are amazing): you open the water, put soap on your hands, clean your ass with your soapy hands, rinse and then dry yourself with your *own* bidet towel.
Someone is disgusted at the idea that we do put our hands in our ass (kind of), we italians are usually more disgusted the rest of the world doesn't and all that comes with it, hygiene-related.

[speedpimp]

Or you could do like they did before the invention of papier hygienique and use a corn cob.

[Rare White Ape]

Really? What's so special with her German heritage?

Are you really that sheltered?

[GB]

Baby wipes work amazingly... too bad you can't flush them.
There are many brands of flushable wipes in the TP aisle at your favorite store. We've been using them for a few years. The combination of a reduced amount of TP (Angel Soft) with a wet wipe or two (Charmin brand) works fabulously.

[Crazed_Insanity]

Are you really that sheltered?

Ah, yes, I guess I am. Didn't realize scat porns were mostly german made. Had to look that one up.

That particular German who posted the question was as sheltered as I am so I don't feel too bad about that... :p

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120307162841AA2E844

[Mortavian]

Only thing better than taking a dumper on the job and getting paid for it is getting that refreshing spritz of cool water up your bunghole afterward. Only thing better than that is the toilet saying "thank you" afterward.

[tigeraid]

God dammit, these things are all but impossible to find in Canada. I MUST experience one!

[21Kid]

road trip?!?

[Sad, little man]

My god tiger, that gives me a great idea... I can buy one of these, and then to pay for it, I'll put an ad on craigslist...


seeking like minded toilet enthusiasts. top of the line Toto washlet rides offered for a nominal fee.

it's usually best if we go out for Mexican or Indian food first, your choice! afterwards we will return to my house where you're welcome to use my toilet. only rear end washing allowed. please don't use the feminine wash, even if it's appropriate (makes a mess!!)

each visit is $50. out of town visitors can arrange for overnight lodging for an additional fee. if interested, call me at 3 one 3 - five 5 5 - one tw0 thr33 four. do not call during business hours. also i have lots of imitation crab meat in my freezer that i need to get rid of so you can have a bunch when you leave. its all perfectly good we just got too much!!!

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

[tigeraid]

I'm in.

[Rare White Ape]

Spicy food -> bidet -> crab meat

[thesameguy]

I would go to one of the buffet style places for dinner. That way you can eat small amounts over a longer period of time and really maximize the whole experience.

[Reverend Jim]

http://youtu.be/yOlY7j9s-2Q

A bidet will make you falcon scream in joy - FACT!

[speedpimp]

Spicy food -> bidet -> crab meat

You can't have crab meat without a wank and a stomp.

[Sad, little man]

just don't break any of the trains (they are my sons)

[21Kid]

Wait, what was the stomping for then? :?

[speedpimp]

The nads after the wank.

[Sad, little man]

Ok folks, this is happening... Over the next few days, I'm going to investigate the possibility of installing an outlet near my toilet, and if I can make it work, I'm putting an order in.

As amusing as it would be to see guests recoil in horror when they walk into the bathroom and the toilet seat begins to open on its own, I'll probably forego the automatic seat raise/lower model.

Also, I'll be sure to use a GFCI outlet, because the last thing I want is an unprotected electrical appliance squirting water at my ass.

[Sad, little man]

Hmmm, oddly enough, the power model is somehow cheaper on Amazon.

Alright! Let the abject horror of a mechatronic toilet seat ensue! :D

[Freude am Fahren]

GTP! GTP! GTP!

[Sad, little man]

If I did that, the thing would probably go into some kind of overload protect mode.

[21Kid]

Yup... Just ask Drew.

[Sad, little man]

Ordered. Let the high-tech toilet shenanigans begin!

[Random]

:D :up:

[Sad, little man]

Well, I haven't had a good chance to really put it through its paces yet, but it's already clear that the Japanese have known something we have so far completely failed to grasp in this country. May have to play with the auto open/close seat settings though. It seems to get a little confused as to whether I'm entering or leaving the bathroom sometimes. Then again, I'm intentionally messing around with it. Anyway, there are a lot of settings to play with, and menus within those settings.

On a related note, there's something that just feels really wrong about spending hundreds of dollars on a brand new product just to take it home and immediately shit on it.

[Yw-slayer]

I never understood the "wisdom" of blowing hot air onto your nether regions to cool them while the area is still, um, fragrant. I suppose a powerful extractor fan is a prerequisite.

[Sad, little man]

You can forgo the dryer if you want. Besides, the seat does have a deodorizer that is constantly running while you're sitting on it.

[Yw-slayer]

Deodoriser cannot deal with my POWAH. Just ask Gui. I fast in their general direction.

[tigeraid]

You can forgo the dryer if you want. Besides, the seat does have a deodorizer that is constantly running while you're sitting on it.


http://www.sunandair.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/my-god-its-full-of-stars.jpg

[Sad, little man]

I'M NUMBER 1! (Even when I'm going number 2.)

http://gtxforums.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=487&d=1398464383

487

[Fiat500]

Local multiplayer?

[thesameguy]

:lol:

:up:

I would have assumed it was a way to estimate the damage the toilet was gong to have to deal with.

[Sad, little man]

Think of it like the memory seat in your car, except it deals with your nether regions.

[Rob]

http://fireden.net/4chan/images.4chan.org//vg/src/1393784285999.gif

[tigeraid]

That seems like an unfair test of its otherworldly abilities.

[Kchrpm]

I wonder if anyone has done a study on how much money could be saved at a company by switching to bidet'd toilets. Less toilet paper use, less time in the restroom, SAVINGS.

[speedpimp]

But how much time would be lost instructing employees in the proper manner in which to use a bidet? And how many people, being true and patriotic Americans, would refuse to use that "socialist French toilet" and proceed to simply poop in the corner?

[Kchrpm]

You wouldn't tell them how, you would leave it up to them to figure it out based on an instruction sign in the bathroom. If they don't want to use it, fine, you've already sold the things.

[speedpimp]

And you, the facility manager, end up with employees pooping on the floor because they're afraid to use the bidet because they heard a rumor that there is a dragon living in it.

[Kchrpm]

I wouldn't be the facility manager in this situation, I'd be the bidet toilet salesman.

[Sad, little man]

Well, I finally had to take a shit at work today without the help of my Toto... It felt awful. Why do we in America subject ourselves to this shit? (Literally.)

The fact that it's over 80deg here today did not help the situation post-shit. I came home and promptly cleaned myself off properly to avoid any further degradation of my nether regions.

Also, I have not had to change the roll of toilet paper since I installed it around April 21st. I have over half of a roll still left. You need just a little to thoroughly dry yourself, but not wads and wads to use in a futile attempt to clean yourself with dry paper.

Thousands of years from now, archeologists will uncover ancient toilets from the kingdom of the United States and Japan. And you know what? They will (correctly) conclude that Japan had the vastly superior civilization.

[HondaKid86]

You wait until I move out — until the negative 30 winter days are over — to install a heated toilet seat.


We have officially discussed everything on the GTF.

[Sad, little man]

Heh...

Anyway, I just want to reiterate that I can't fucking stand this toilet paper shit anymore. We are a developed fucking country, and we should not be smearing feces all over ourselves with dry paper. Did I miss something? Does this country not provide access to clean water for the uses of personal hygiene!? Why do we accept this shit!?

[Kchrpm]

Have you tried baby wipes?

[Sad, little man]

Well at home it's a non-issue now, and I don't really want to deal with the indignity of carrying baby wipes around with me. I'm just angry because the whole shitting system in this country is completely archaic, and no one seems to care.

[Kchrpm]

You care. Do something about it. Lead the revolution.

[novicius]

YEAAAH! SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT! :lol:

[21Kid]

Dude Wipes (http://smile.amazon.com/dudeproducts)

FYI, they also have Adult Wipes, in the toilet paper aisle. Just keep a pack of them in your murse.

[G'day Mate]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OurUurK14U