Sorry Holden.
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Sorry Holden.
So sorry you are going through this. I unfortunately know how very difficult that is. Hugs.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rikadyn
:(
We found out her treatment had just stopped working in January, for no explainable reason. She had been under control for two years and felt a bump around Christmas. Doctors blew it off until she found three more in January. Since then she has had to have rods in her arm and leg preventively, and started chemo and radiation again.
Part of the problem is that I am expected to be emotionless, when everyone else is breaking down and keeping that mask up is wearing me out. I think I am more okay with the idea of her dying, simply because I have accepted it as reality at a young age (long story) and also that I have been dealing with suicidal ideation for two decades so, I kinda have a heavier trigger.
Still I realize that given my family history it's likely to be in my future if I don't eat a gun before then. If it is what comes, watching how hard it is on my family, I am not sure if I should take comfort or despair from knowing that I will face it alone.
This is all on top of a deepening existential crisis in wondering if there is any real value to life...
Obviously you value us enough to post here... likewise we all value each other enough to continue the chitchat over the years...
The same $100 bill may be a lot of money for a homeless, but nothing to Elon Musk who's seeking more cash to keep Tesla alive. Similarly, if US government fails, that bill would be worthless.
Just try not to let circumstances determine your value. Life is always worth living because as long as one's alive, there's always a chance of things getting better. Once dead, only way to go is down and will for sure be worthless. Take care of yourself dude!
My mom has lewy body dementia. She is experiencing paranoia and sensory hallucinations. She thinks "people" are following and spying on her and the family. She often smells things, like flowers or acrid odors. She regularly feels pains throughout her body as if she's been shocked or stabbed. Oddly, it comes and goes. One moment, she will be feeling fine. The next moment she will be coughing and/or feeling sick. She feels constantly tormented and terrorized. No wonder Robin Williams took his own life.
She still functions like a normal human most of the time. She hides and lies about her symptoms to her family and friends. I confronted her about her problem the last time I was home. She vehemently denies having dementia, despite the fact that she knows the things she is experiencing do not make sense. There is no making sense of a mental illness. There is nothing we can do unless she is a harm to herself or others. :(
Not really sure if we need to 'confront' a mentally sick person as if we're confronting somebody with a addiction problem.
Just need to be as supportive as we can in order to help them ease their pain and help them make the right decisions in life.
Please do seek out help :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Rikadyn
Odds are, that a bunch of this is being made worse by your brain wiring fucking with you. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying, suggesting, or implying that the tough times you are suffering at the moment are not real, or important, or things that aren't going to mess with you. But professional help (and maybe meds) may really give you some good coping tools.
It might not feel like it at times, but you're a valuable, and important part of the world, and in the life of your family and friends.
Yeah, what the Fast Kiwi said.
Saw a psychaitrist today. I had a breakdown at work from stress. Said that it wanted to make me kill myself, so as of right now I'm on paid leave for at least a week and they'll be doing a fit for duty analyis before letting me come back. Doc said that what may have caused that was an anxitey attack, and she might've been right. When I get hyper stressed I can feel really overwhelmed and feel like it's part of a plan to fuck me over somehow. Gonna see a proper doctor soon and see if I acually have anxitety issues. I've always been quick to anger and maybe that's part of it. We'll see.