The "I'm Feeling Sad" thread

[FaultyMario]

I know it's absurd and all but I feel like I might never be happy again. I'm just so profoundly upset with life right now. I keep waiting for that day when I'm caught up on everything and can just relax for a minute, and it never comes. I've been going non-stop since 2006 or so and I'm so drained from it all. It looks like 2021 might be relatively laid back, but we're thinking of moving to Europe so who the fuck knows.

I'm really considering taking time off from school to slow things down. But I'm on track to be finished in Fall of 2019 so I keep telling myself to keep pressing. It's making me intensely miserable, though. To the point that I can't even internalize it and hide it from people anymore. I'm starting to have almost an open contempt for my job, and home life is a rut. Argh.

I'm in a similar place, but I keep telling myself that it's the PDD and I just have to follow the doctor's advice (i.e. exercise, eat and sleep well, and do enjoyable shit outside and away from what i do everyday); so like in your case, I hold on by telling myself that it's part of the grind® and that it's only going to be like this for a couple of years.

I hate being shitty to those close to me because that's just the mood that i'm currently in, but the alternative, which is taking SSRIs, is worse. It makes me feel light-headed, unable to focus and get shit done on my terms, which adds to the root cause. Not liking the situation. I like to kick its ass and that helps me overcome the anxiety, to know that whatever little room for me to control there is, I fucking kick ass at it.

[tigeraid]

I think I mentioned it a ways back in this thread as well, but I seem to be suffering a bit of the same malady--stuck in a grind, feeling like my life is going nowhere, looking back with regret that I didn't follow the school/career/life path I should have. I'm sure I'm not going through the kind of workload you are, I just have a 9-5, but it can be soul crushing at times. I go home, exercise, and try to ignore the anxiety and depressive feelings by burying myself in chores or working on the house or the car or occasionally watching TV. And when I watch TV, I find myself mostly watching documentaries about minimalism (despite not following it myself), escaping the grind, living life better, fitness, outdoor challenges, exploration, or documentaries about how fucked we are as a society. I struggle to enjoy comedy anymore.

I feel fidgety and restless all the time, though I'm sure getting fit had a lot to do with that. The only time I feel really good and positive is going to visit family, or exercising/being active. Otherwise the negative thoughts about the world/politics/money/people around me start creeping in. Which in turn angers me, because I have a solid job, good pay, benefits, a house, a wife, a good family--why do I feel like shit?

I nearly quit my job in a fit of rage because my two co-workers are climate change deniers. Being in automotive means constantly hearing customers bitch about "THE LIBERALS" and how "queers are ruining the world." I eventually calm down, but why the hell am I reacting so badly to something like that, after so many years hearing and ignoring it?

To top it off, moving back up North has taken me away from the few IRL friends I have, so I have no one to really spend time with here other than Tara, who doesn't want to do most of the things I want to do. I guess it's a mid-life crisis, but 15 years early. On the bright side, living in Muskoka means endless easy access to the outdoors, and I no longer have a stressful commute or a shitty city to deal with.

I'm terrified at the prospect of taking drugs to feel better. So I think I'll continue to avoid it.

[Crazed_Insanity]

The conspiracy theorist inside of me is thinking something in our diet is causing these anxieties and depressions, but since I have no proof, I'll just let that remain a conspiracy for now. Still, eating healthier can't go wrong. Also can't go wrong with exercises and sleeping well. Unless your brain is telling yourself to kill yourself, medication really should be the last resort.

Anyway, if your fellow Canadian Jordan Peterson's dietary advise is shit, maybe his life advise is more appropriate?

“You must determine where you are going in your life, because you cannot get there unless you move in that direction. Random wandering will not move you forward. It will instead disappoint and frustrate you and make you anxious and unhappy and hard to get along with (and then resentful, and then vengeful, and then worse).”

I think daily grind often causes us to deviate from where we want to go, so it's important for us to also remember to 'grind' toward where we really want to go too.

“So, attend carefully to your posture. Quit drooping and hunching around. Speak your mind. Put your desires forward, as if you had a right to them—at least the same right as others. Walk tall and gaze forthrightly ahead. Dare to be dangerous. Encourage the serotonin to flow plentifully through the neural pathways desperate for its calming influence.”

Yeah, matter over mind! Before using mind altering medication, our body posture can be mind altering too! Try that 1st.

Want a minimalist life? Go for it! Peterson also preaches about prior to do anything clean up your room 1st. Yeah, start by simplifying your surrounding 1st if that's what your heart really wants!

Rather than just passively allowing the world to grind you away... actively grind against the world and shape it just a bit closer to your dream world!

Anyway, to be honest, I totally share and get your guys' feelings about life, and it's folks such as Jesus Christ and Jordan Peterson who helped inspired me to keep on pushing... and allowed me to feel better too! If Jesus Christ is not your thing... hope Peterson is an acceptable role model? If not, fuck it, find your own role models then!

[tigeraid]

I certainly have some role models. The big part of it is being married though. I don't want to leave my wife, and likely will not. But she's definitely not on the same path as (I think) I want to be. She's content to work the 9-5 grind every day, come home, watch TV and do her one or two hobbies, and go spend time with her family. That's literally it, and I envy her for being able to enjoy that. If I was a single I very likely wouldn't own a house, and I by now I'd probably just be off hiking the country from end to end.

[Crazed_Insanity]

At the very minimum, you’ll have to put your desires forward and let her know and then perhaps you two can forge a new path together that can make both of you happy.

Just think... what would your role model do? Same as you do?

[FaultyMario]

I had a minor breakdown on friday.

Cliff notes: It's a really bad idea to compare yourself to others when you're down and feeling the weight of the grind you've put yourself under in order to work the plan.
HW assignment: How does one not beat oneself into depression by going over the shit decisions one has made in the past?

[Crazed_Insanity]

I’d recommend watching some YouTube videos by Jordan Peterson regarding how to deal with depression for hw assignment...

Good luck man, take care!

[sandydandy]

HW assignment: How does one not beat oneself into depression by going over the shit decisions one has made in the past?

Accept that you made the shit decision(s), face the consequences, as painful as they are...hopefully they won't last forever, and commit to not repeating.

That's what I'm doing in dealing with something right now.

[FaultyMario]

I’d recommend watching some YouTube videos by Jordan Peterson regarding how to deal with depression for hw assignment...

Thanks billi, hopefully i can get something out of that. I'm going to give it a spin later (right now I'm at work -and no, i don't have a problem with listening to podcasts or wasting time- I left my earphones home), hopefully they're not some coaching/guru type thing; I've found I have no patience for those, I'd rather listen to people like Chris Bailey who have tips for concrete situations.

[FaultyMario]

hopefully they won't last forever, and commit to not repeating.

I'm more at a stage of questioning my current decisions based on how I made them, you know, "have I learnt my lessons, did I make this decision differently?" because I know how it turned out the last time.