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Thread: The "I'm Feeling Sad" thread

  1. #141
    Ask me about my bottom br
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    Yeah, man. There's so much you can do before it turns into an emotional drill. Be strong buddy.
    acket.

  2. #142
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Servo View Post
    Man, the worst I had was my increasingly racist grandmother (she started pretty racist, so it wasn't a difficult transition). I'm sorry you are going through that.
    I'd think racism could be a component of cynicism... apparently that is related to dementia. It's probably why she became increasingly racist.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUEgG-HR_qM

    Not sure if cynics are more likely to have dementia... or perhaps dementia itself caused people to become more cynical. Bottomline is they just trust others less and less. Probably even believe mental healthcare providers are out to get them.

    Cam, try to gain her trust first, don't let her feel like you're out to get them is probably the best approach. Let her know that you believe her.

  3. #143
    Member Ashie's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear she isn't willing to get help Cam. Hugs

  4. #144
    Senior Member sandydandy's Avatar
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    Well last week was my buddyís funeral and I was one of four people to give a eulogy. Kept strong throughout it, but kinda started breaking down toward the end. Still so hard to believe that heís gone.

    A little more light was shed on the circumstances of his death. He died alone at home. His assistant at the office couldnít get in touch with him on the Tuesday, and called his estranged wife and sister and they both didnít know where he was. So the next day they called the cops, who broke down his front door, and found him dead in the upstairs bathroom.

    He was diagnosed with cirrhosis a little while ago, and was vomiting blood. I looked it up, esophageal varices. He underwent surgery to repair the holes in his esophagus caused by the veins bursting, and was ordered to quit drinking or die. In an act of supreme arrogance, he opted out of the hospitalís recommendation to stay another three weeks to undergo their detox program, and elected to check himself out of the hospital. I spoke to him two Saturdays ago, where he made no mention of any of this stuff, except only to vaguely state that he had quit drinking seven days ago due to some liver issues. He seemed pleased with himself, and I was happy for him. Less than a week later I got the call that he was dead of internal bleeding. Likely the esophagus again, because he had indeed resumed drinking, which is the sad part. What weíll never know is why he took another drink or two. Was he tempting fate thinking one canít hurt? Or was it a form of suicide? I have a lot of trouble with the latter, as I never knew him to be one to throw in the towel in life. I could accept that he drank himself to sickness, but intentionally drank himself to death? Thatís tough to swallow.

    He was going through a lot of shit, most of which I wonít get into. Letís just say alcohol was at the root of it. His wife had had enough, and took the kids and moved out several months ago. I knew he was sad about it, but had no idea how dark of a place he was in. Nobody really did, because he would play his troubles off as annoyances, while at the same time expressing elation at being ďsingleĒ again. He needed support after his surgery and nobody was there to support him aside from his assistant, who would regularly go by his house to check in on him. The rest of us had no idea what he was really going through, because he put up such a strong front. Been talking to his sister and other friends a lot recently, and everyone is feeling a sense of guilt. Everyone wishes they couldíve done more, myself included.

    When you think cirrhosis you think of rockstars engaged in hard drinking for decades. He became a heavy drinker in recent years, but mustíve really turned it up in the last few months to reach this point. He had to have been drinking literally all day long, at least a couple of bottles of vodka per day for months and months to allow his liver to deteriorate to such a degree. He was an addict, and Iím sure the withdrawal pangs were very difficult to deal with. Thatís why I wish he stayed in the hospital.

    I havenít had a single drink since learning of his death. Been sober for 12 days now. Not saying I wonít ever drink again, but not for a while. It just doesnít feel right so soon after his death. We would drink and party together regularly, that I almost feel like an enabler in a way. He was a financial planner and such a good salesman, with a charming personality and an incredible way with words that I think it was his curse too. It was tough to tell when he was being real and opening up, as opposed to just working me. I wish I had seen more of the man, and less of the illusion. Thatís something Iíll have to live with.

  5. #145
    Senior Member Leon's Avatar
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    That's a very sad outcome. I'm glad you were able to pay your respects at the funeral though, as that will have meant a lot to the other people there.

    Addiction is a hell of a thing

  6. #146
    Crime Fighter Cam's Avatar
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    Oh man, sorry to hear, bud.

  7. #147
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    So sad to hear...

    Reminds me of my cubicle mate and mentor, a while back. Retired at the age of 55, single all his life, die in a similar fashion alone in his apartment. Drank himself to death.

    He lives near the beach so bunch of us coworker friends had gotten together with him a few times with him after work for some dinner and drinks. He has always put up a nice 'front' face that retired life is good...

    But reality is that it's just not that great for a man to live alone.

    The man was counting the days til his retirement. Finally when he retired, life became completely meaningless... even his extended family members lives in other states or back in India... I suspect he's just too lonely and drank himself to death... Or maybe he has some medical conditions that I don't know about...

    Anyway, find fulfilling things to do and stay close to family and friends! Keys to staying sane... and will increase your chance of survival.

  8. #148
    Senior Member sandydandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leon View Post
    That's a very sad outcome. I'm glad you were able to pay your respects at the funeral though, as that will have meant a lot to the other people there.

    Addiction is a hell of a thing
    Yeah it felt good to get up there and speak. I loved him like a brother, and his family expressed their love and appreciation to me. His sister is still a mess. Been talking to her almost daily, encouraging her and her husband to see a grief counselor, which she said she will. Iíve sort of reached the acceptance stage. It hurts that he wonít be around anymore, but I donít weep everyday anymore. For her itís going to hurt for a long time. Sheís just consumed with guilt. I havenít reached out to his wife yet. Kind of dreading that conversation, but Iíll do it eventually.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cam View Post
    Oh man, sorry to hear, bud.
    Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Crazed_Insanity View Post
    But reality is that it's just not that great for a man to live alone.
    Thatís very true. In the case of my friend, shortly after his wife and kids left, he mentioned to me how awkward it was going from hearing the pitter-patter of little feet to complete silence. He shouldíve gotten another place, but for some reason didnít leave that house. He tried to sell but didnít get any offers, as the market had gone a little soft. I think he was asking for way too much anyway. But that was all an excuse, he had money, he couldíve easily bought or rented a condo close to his kids or other friends, but he didnít. It wasnít healthy to stay in such a huge house filled with memories, all by himself. There was nothing to do except drink and watch Netflix. He was working from home a lot and rarely went to the office. He needed to get out of there.

    Anyway, find fulfilling things to do and stay close to family and friends! Keys to staying sane... and will increase your chance of survival.
    Thatís absolutely true. I wish he had the sense to see it. He was probably the smartest guy I ever knew, but when emotion clouds judgment, bad things happen. I wish his story didnít end the way it did, but nothing can change the past, we can only learn from it. Itís a harsh life lesson for the rest of us.

  9. #149
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  10. #150
    Senior Member sandydandy's Avatar
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    I had a bit of an episode this evening, mourning my friend. I said earlier that I feel Iím at the acceptance stage, but I donít think so. I think Iím still in the denial stage. Even when I first found out about his death, I didnít cry. I couldnít. The shock and disbelief were so overwhelming. I was holding it in. A couple of days later at the funeral was when I broke down. It was in the hall by the guest book. They had a bunch of pictures of him, and one big one that was recent, and that was when I just lost it.

    Same thing today. I found myself thinking about him all day. Then this evening I opened our WhatsApp chat and the memories started flooding back. I guess Iíd been holding it in again, as it was too much to bear. I lost it again, my head in my wifeís arms. Itís weird, I saw with my own eyes his lifeless body in the casket, but my brain still canít make the connection that heís truly gone.

    This is the first time Iíve lost someone this close to me. All four of my grandparents are gone, but I donít mourn them. They lived full lives and I remember the good times. Donít know why I canít do the same here. I canít even fully accept the fact that heís gone. I guess cause it was so sudden. It may take a couple of months until I start feeling better.

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