Page 15 of 57 FirstFirst ... 5131415161725 ... LastLast
Results 141 to 150 of 564

Thread: The "I'm Feeling Sad" thread

  1. #141
    Ask me about my bottom br FaultyMario's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    ox.mx
    Posts
    8,233
    Yeah, man. There's so much you can do before it turns into an emotional drill. Be strong buddy.
    acket.

  2. #142
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    12,805
    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Servo View Post
    Man, the worst I had was my increasingly racist grandmother (she started pretty racist, so it wasn't a difficult transition). I'm sorry you are going through that.
    I'd think racism could be a component of cynicism... apparently that is related to dementia. It's probably why she became increasingly racist.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUEgG-HR_qM

    Not sure if cynics are more likely to have dementia... or perhaps dementia itself caused people to become more cynical. Bottomline is they just trust others less and less. Probably even believe mental healthcare providers are out to get them.

    Cam, try to gain her trust first, don't let her feel like you're out to get them is probably the best approach. Let her know that you believe her.

  3. #143
    Little one Ashie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Posts
    217
    I'm sorry to hear she isn't willing to get help Cam. Hugs

  4. #144
    Senior Member sandydandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Toronto, ON
    Posts
    2,110
    Well last week was my buddy’s funeral and I was one of four people to give a eulogy. Kept strong throughout it, but kinda started breaking down toward the end. Still so hard to believe that he’s gone.

    A little more light was shed on the circumstances of his death. He died alone at home. His assistant at the office couldn’t get in touch with him on the Tuesday, and called his estranged wife and sister and they both didn’t know where he was. So the next day they called the cops, who broke down his front door, and found him dead in the upstairs bathroom.

    He was diagnosed with cirrhosis a little while ago, and was vomiting blood. I looked it up, esophageal varices. He underwent surgery to repair the holes in his esophagus caused by the veins bursting, and was ordered to quit drinking or die. In an act of supreme arrogance, he opted out of the hospital’s recommendation to stay another three weeks to undergo their detox program, and elected to check himself out of the hospital. I spoke to him two Saturdays ago, where he made no mention of any of this stuff, except only to vaguely state that he had quit drinking seven days ago due to some liver issues. He seemed pleased with himself, and I was happy for him. Less than a week later I got the call that he was dead of internal bleeding. Likely the esophagus again, because he had indeed resumed drinking, which is the sad part. What we’ll never know is why he took another drink or two. Was he tempting fate thinking one can’t hurt? Or was it a form of suicide? I have a lot of trouble with the latter, as I never knew him to be one to throw in the towel in life. I could accept that he drank himself to sickness, but intentionally drank himself to death? That’s tough to swallow.

    He was going through a lot of shit, most of which I won’t get into. Let’s just say alcohol was at the root of it. His wife had had enough, and took the kids and moved out several months ago. I knew he was sad about it, but had no idea how dark of a place he was in. Nobody really did, because he would play his troubles off as annoyances, while at the same time expressing elation at being “single” again. He needed support after his surgery and nobody was there to support him aside from his assistant, who would regularly go by his house to check in on him. The rest of us had no idea what he was really going through, because he put up such a strong front. Been talking to his sister and other friends a lot recently, and everyone is feeling a sense of guilt. Everyone wishes they could’ve done more, myself included.

    When you think cirrhosis you think of rockstars engaged in hard drinking for decades. He became a heavy drinker in recent years, but must’ve really turned it up in the last few months to reach this point. He had to have been drinking literally all day long, at least a couple of bottles of vodka per day for months and months to allow his liver to deteriorate to such a degree. He was an addict, and I’m sure the withdrawal pangs were very difficult to deal with. That’s why I wish he stayed in the hospital.

    I haven’t had a single drink since learning of his death. Been sober for 12 days now. Not saying I won’t ever drink again, but not for a while. It just doesn’t feel right so soon after his death. We would drink and party together regularly, that I almost feel like an enabler in a way. He was a financial planner and such a good salesman, with a charming personality and an incredible way with words that I think it was his curse too. It was tough to tell when he was being real and opening up, as opposed to just working me. I wish I had seen more of the man, and less of the illusion. That’s something I’ll have to live with.

  5. #145
    Senior Member Leon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    1,892
    That's a very sad outcome. I'm glad you were able to pay your respects at the funeral though, as that will have meant a lot to the other people there.

    Addiction is a hell of a thing

  6. #146
    Jedi Cam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Alexandria, VA
    Posts
    5,615
    Oh man, sorry to hear, bud.

  7. #147
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    12,805
    So sad to hear...

    Reminds me of my cubicle mate and mentor, a while back. Retired at the age of 55, single all his life, die in a similar fashion alone in his apartment. Drank himself to death.

    He lives near the beach so bunch of us coworker friends had gotten together with him a few times with him after work for some dinner and drinks. He has always put up a nice 'front' face that retired life is good...

    But reality is that it's just not that great for a man to live alone.

    The man was counting the days til his retirement. Finally when he retired, life became completely meaningless... even his extended family members lives in other states or back in India... I suspect he's just too lonely and drank himself to death... Or maybe he has some medical conditions that I don't know about...

    Anyway, find fulfilling things to do and stay close to family and friends! Keys to staying sane... and will increase your chance of survival.

  8. #148
    Senior Member sandydandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Toronto, ON
    Posts
    2,110
    Quote Originally Posted by Leon View Post
    That's a very sad outcome. I'm glad you were able to pay your respects at the funeral though, as that will have meant a lot to the other people there.

    Addiction is a hell of a thing
    Yeah it felt good to get up there and speak. I loved him like a brother, and his family expressed their love and appreciation to me. His sister is still a mess. Been talking to her almost daily, encouraging her and her husband to see a grief counselor, which she said she will. I’ve sort of reached the acceptance stage. It hurts that he won’t be around anymore, but I don’t weep everyday anymore. For her it’s going to hurt for a long time. She’s just consumed with guilt. I haven’t reached out to his wife yet. Kind of dreading that conversation, but I’ll do it eventually.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cam View Post
    Oh man, sorry to hear, bud.
    Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Crazed_Insanity View Post
    But reality is that it's just not that great for a man to live alone.
    That’s very true. In the case of my friend, shortly after his wife and kids left, he mentioned to me how awkward it was going from hearing the pitter-patter of little feet to complete silence. He should’ve gotten another place, but for some reason didn’t leave that house. He tried to sell but didn’t get any offers, as the market had gone a little soft. I think he was asking for way too much anyway. But that was all an excuse, he had money, he could’ve easily bought or rented a condo close to his kids or other friends, but he didn’t. It wasn’t healthy to stay in such a huge house filled with memories, all by himself. There was nothing to do except drink and watch Netflix. He was working from home a lot and rarely went to the office. He needed to get out of there.

    Anyway, find fulfilling things to do and stay close to family and friends! Keys to staying sane... and will increase your chance of survival.
    That’s absolutely true. I wish he had the sense to see it. He was probably the smartest guy I ever knew, but when emotion clouds judgment, bad things happen. I wish his story didn’t end the way it did, but nothing can change the past, we can only learn from it. It’s a harsh life lesson for the rest of us.

  9. #149
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    6,265

  10. #150
    Senior Member sandydandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Toronto, ON
    Posts
    2,110
    I had a bit of an episode this evening, mourning my friend. I said earlier that I feel I’m at the acceptance stage, but I don’t think so. I think I’m still in the denial stage. Even when I first found out about his death, I didn’t cry. I couldn’t. The shock and disbelief were so overwhelming. I was holding it in. A couple of days later at the funeral was when I broke down. It was in the hall by the guest book. They had a bunch of pictures of him, and one big one that was recent, and that was when I just lost it.

    Same thing today. I found myself thinking about him all day. Then this evening I opened our WhatsApp chat and the memories started flooding back. I guess I’d been holding it in again, as it was too much to bear. I lost it again, my head in my wife’s arms. It’s weird, I saw with my own eyes his lifeless body in the casket, but my brain still can’t make the connection that he’s truly gone.

    This is the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me. All four of my grandparents are gone, but I don’t mourn them. They lived full lives and I remember the good times. Don’t know why I can’t do the same here. I can’t even fully accept the fact that he’s gone. I guess cause it was so sudden. It may take a couple of months until I start feeling better.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •