Originally Posted by
Rikadyn
Ya'll make it sound like it's just so easy. Maybe it is when you have something to fight for or something that makes the pain worth fighting through, but I have none of that.
I don't have anyone in my life that I can lean on for support, at least not anymore. I had online friends before I had any real life friends and I didn't get a computer till high school. I spent my entire childhood away from school alone and isolated because my parents couldn't be bothered.
Now I find myself without real life friends, or really any close online friends. The closest person to me, decided that it was for the best to gaslight me for 2 months about not having a boyfriend, and while she insists that we are okay, I don't know how I am suppose to just trust her when in the three years since then we haven't even had a conversation for more than five minutes. This is all before we we delve the trash bin of my feelings for her.
At least she hasn't just ghosted me. Though I ask her to just block me at this point.
I've grown to begrudgingly accept that this is just how my life is going to be. Eventually I will just find a mindless job to work and go home to nothing, just to get up and go to work barely keeping up with my bills.
And I would rather not. I would rather just ended it right now then just trudge through life waiting to die when I can't come up with a reason why. To die now or die later doesn't change anything.
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