YW just put up some posts and that made me realise that I have not reviewed a single rental car.

I've only rented four, and they took me from the airport to watch MotoGP at Philip Island a few times. These are their stories

*Law and Order 'doong-doong' sound plays*

2016: Toyota Yaris

If you can't find the keys but the car is parked out the front, that means the keys can't be more than 20 meters away, and you haven't left them at Philip Island Grand Prix Circuit, which is 2km away. That narrows it down a bit. Yes, they will probably be under the floor rug which you rolled your swag out on. Check twice. Next time draw a longer straw and get a bed.

There was just enough room for a fully grown white male to squeeze into the driver's seat, my luggage, and NOTHING ELSE. Jesus fuck, don't bring a friend. Thankfully it was cheap.

Dynamically the car was completely bereft of acceleration and steering feel. That didn't matter as it had a roof and wipers, which kept the rain away (I found this to be a novelty at the time, since I spent all of my commute time on two wheels) and a radio.

Score: D+

2017: I think it was a medium Holden (nee: Daewoo) sedan, can't remember the name of them. Or it could have been a medium SUV out of South-East Asia. Same same...

I brought a mate this time so we split the car costs, which afforded us a larger chariot. It was so forgettable that I can't even picture it in my head. Just... a car to get us from A to B. I know it definitely had wheels.

Score: F-

2018: Hyundai i30

Not bad, but I spent fully 15 minutes trying to tune the radio station to one that didn't constantly play top 40 hits in-between commercials. It had a sequential "shifter" where a gear lever would normally be, but it was backwards. Why do car companies do this? This is on top of the fact that it wasn't connected viscerally and directly to the gearbox, but rather to the electronic switches that send signals to the driveline management system that will eventually change gear after a few billion nanoseconds. It was that sluggish that I felt I could count all of them.

Other than that, a very competent and capable car for the small family. A little cheaper than the big Japanese brands for quality and interior materials.

Score: B-

2019: Kia Rio people mover

This was the GOAT rental car, and the last before COVID. Me and my mate got a free upgrade because they double-booked us. Torquey V6 engine, while still good on fuel. Plus with 7 of the 9 seats unoccupied apart from a few bits of luggage, it launched from green lights like a cat from a litter tray.

The high seating position made it really easy to climb in and out of and see how far the traffic jam went. It was comfortable, like an ocean liner. And sporty, like a giant Ferrari.

Score: A++++