Grand Theft Auto V

[George]

Apparently this game was free through May 21. Yesterday was the 22nd and I didn't attempt to play. I've launched it several times today, May 23rd, as I've walked past the computer, doing various things around the house. I can't get in, but it still makes me go through a bunch of Capcha tests just before telling me I'm wasting my time, every time.



Maybe it's no longer free. Or maybe it's just a Saturday and the whole world is trying to play this game they all downloaded for free in the last week.

I googled the error message and found a bunch of complaints but no real answers. I watched one video about how to solve this error code and felt like a dumbass watching someone else go through all the Capcha tests until finally he...

Spoiler:

...drags the Epic and GTA V desktop icons to the trash can at the end of the video.

Hmm. Maybe I should take the hint and get on with my life.

Staying indoors is highly overrated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8oGuSiG5Ng

[Tom Servo]

Man, I wonder how much they'd pay me to write a back end for them that actually works?

[George]

It's working today.

I am the WORST GTA Online player ever. I thought a few years of off-and-on Story Mode playing would help, but other than knowing the some of the controls, I'm as clueless a newb as anyone.

There are free cars (including a mid-'60s Corvette Stingray that I'd love to have) and free properties available. There's an apartment with a two-car garage and a ten-car garage apparently without an apartment available for free.

I don't know the advantages of an apartment over just a garage, so I figured I'd take the ten-car garage near the large airport in the south as a starting point. It's free, right? Can't go wrong, I figure.

Nope, gotta be level 5 to buy properties, the game says. Okay, so I finally robbed enough liquor stores and quickie marts to get level 5. I try to buy the ten-car garage and now it says, no, first you have to receive a phone call from Simeon. Okay, fine. I call him. No answer. So, I go the S on the map, which is his car dealership, just as it is in Story Mode. Only now, I'm apparently hosting some kind of four-player game. Three other players join and I clicked on Start Mission or Accept Settings or something like that, having NO IDEA what we're doing.

Two of the other three players jump in cars and take off. One jumps in his car and runs me over.

Thanks.

I get in my car and try to follow them but they're gone before I know what has happened. I start driving around looking for them and one finds me, repeatedly ramming my car. I see the chat menu light up with comments like "George (not my GTA name), what are you doing?!"

I reply along the lines of "I'm new - no idea. I know Story Mode but not Online. Help please?" Then some guy in a monster truck runs over my car.

Great.

I finally figured out the mission is to steal Sasquatch monster trucks from the Arena near Franklin's garage in Story Mode. I got that from some helpful player in chat so I go over there and take one. Had to kill a guard. Okay, now I'm rolling in a monster truck with four-wheel steering.

I have no waypoint or anything; just no idea what to do at all. Then another player in a different colored Sasquatch roars by and I start following. He gets up on some elevated highway on-ramp but then jumps over the guardrail and plummets to the road below. I try to follow, but we're in a cloverleaf intersection and it reminded me of one of the old Looney Tunes Coyote & Roadrunner episodes where they're on different ramps of the cloverleaf and the coyote can't figure out how to get on the same road as the roadrunner.

Trying everything to follow someone who I assume is my teammate in this mission, I eventually wrecked the Sasquatch and it burst into flames.

Wasted.

The whole time, I was getting flamed in the chat menu by everyone, even though I was asking for help and saying "Sorry, I'm new - where do I go?" and things like that. I was pissed off and just quit the game, via Windows. I didn't even leave GTA properly - I just hit the Windows key to get back to the desktop and left. I've seen some helpful chat before, but I guess this crew wasn't having any of my incompetence.

Later, I came back to play again. Upon joining the game, I received a message saying I left a mission before it was over, and if I continue, I'll become a Bad Sport who can only play with other Bad Sports.

That's just swell.

Still can't buy a garage, and therefore can't get free vehicles, so I figured I'll try the S on the map again. Again, somehow I'm hosting (why me?) and three other players join. This time I read the mission description, which was to steal some expensive cars behind locked gates with Cargobob helicopters.

Now, I once upon a time did a Story Mode mission with a Cargobob and a submarine, but that was years ago. I don't remember any details, such as how to deploy the cargo hook!

Either a waypoint or a teammate told me to go to the movie studio lot to get a Cargobob. That's an odd place for one, but okay. I followed another player there. We shot the security guards. He got in one and I took the other, but not before a third player climbed into my Cargobob as a passenger.

There were four waypoints on the map - A, B, C, and D, and the text "steal one of the target vehicles" on the screen, or something along those lines. Fine, I can fly a helicopter in this game! So I get over one of the nice houses in the expensive part of town and can see a supercar of some kind in the driveway. I know Cargobobs have cargo hooks, but I don't know how to deploy one. I asked in chat and three different people gave me three different answers - H, G, and E. None worked, and I told them so.

Someone was chatting in Spanish. I said "Ayudame, por favor! Soy nuevo!" which is probably terrible pidgin Spanish but the best I could do. He comes back with a bunch of Spanish. I recognized some of the words - articles, verbs, etc. - but he was using nouns that I just didn't know.

I kept asking in chat, "How do I deploy the hook? Sorry, I'm new" and everyone keeps on with the "H!" "No, G!" "Press E!" comments. None works. While this is going on, the helicopter pretty much landed itself on the red tile roof of the house where the car is. I jumped out, thinking the passenger would know what to do. We did a quick Chinese fire drill and he took off with me in the passenger seat.

I said "Thanks - can you get the car?" or something like that in the chat menu. He proceeded to turn the helicopter sideways and crashed it into the pool in the back yard.

Great.

At least I survived - don't know if he did or not.

I got in the car we were trying to steal but couldn't bust through the heavy metal gates to leave the property, so I got out and climbed over the fence, all the while wondering how to turn off the annoying music loop playing in the background.

I stole the first car I saw and realized the mission was still going, somehow. I figured we would "time out" for taking too long any second, but it seemed to keep going. I went back to the movie studio to get another Cargobob, but they were both gone. Now what? Nobody was responding to my polite chat requests for help, so I set a waypoint for the big airport down south and hoped for the best. I didn't want to have to steal one from Fort Zancudo - been there; done that. No fun in Story Mode.

I was very happy to see there were two black Cargobobs there. I stole one and saw there were still three blue waypoints for me. I went to another house and while flying, I moved the "camera" around to view my helicopter and saw a really short hook hanging underneath. I still didn't know how to make it deploy downward, you know - like reeling out fishing line or something. I even checked the Settings but there was no mention of cargo hooks in the controls diagram.

I flew down so low I think I dented the roof of the car I was trying to steal, but somehow I picked it up and flew it back to the waypoint. The screen said "Return the car to the parking lot" or something like that. I did. Finally, there were instructions on the screen of what button to press to release the cargo hook. I imagine it told me how to deploy it as well, but I didn't see it in all the excitement.

I thought that would be all, but the screen said "Steal one of the target cars" again, or similar text if not exactly that. Where are my teammates, I wondered? I never did find out.

I went to the second car, which was parked halfway under a tree!

I got that helicopter right down under the tree and banged up the roof of the car again, but it would not let me pick up the car. I could see the hook dragging across the roof of the car, but it just wouldn't connect. I must have missed pressing the right button.

Having a bright idea (I thought), I landed the helicopter on the property, got in the target car, and moved it out from under the tree so I could get the helicopter over it without that damn tree in the way.

Somehow, while hovering over the car for a long time, trying to get the hook that I could see dangling there to attach itself to the car, one of the helicopter rotors hit something - the house, the tree, the brick wall around the driveway or something, and the helicopter burst into flames. Of course.

Wasted.

A MISSION FAILED message came up, I earned around $3000, and I was able to hit Continue and apparently exit the mission without being a Bad Sport...or at least I hope so. Never saw another word on the chat menu after about the time the other guy wrecked the first helicopter, so I don't know what everyone else did.

My car was parked nearby instead of way across the map for a change, so I got in, pulled over, and sat there wondering what to do next before saving my game and leaving in what I hope was the correct manner.

I have never been so pissed off or had so much fun in one game at the same time!

Can't wait until I can play some more.

Here's me again in my Cutlass Supreme Sabre Turbo, just before bailing out.

[Tom Servo]

You are more resilient than me. That kind of experience is why I almost never play online anymore outside of the occasional sim race. I'm anxious to even do any multiplayer in Animal Crossing.

[SkylineObsession]

Yeah as i said, GTA Online is one of, if not the most, toxic online community that i know of. So you were lucky to find some people who were helpful.

[MR2 Fan]

yeah, my best GTA online experiences were when i had a few friends who would do things together, but outside of that it's mostly me doing deathmatches and races, no missions requiring me to help others as it's a lot of pressure

[George]

I can see the appeal of sneaking around on one's own and avoiding group activities...or even other players.

Finally got the call from Simeon and now have - all for free - an apartment with a two-car garage and two cars. I sold the Sabre Turbo after (not surprisingly) finding the Coquette was a faster and better handling car. The rally car might be faster still. Just got it and haven't spent much time with it. Real life calls with more important things to do for now.



I'm reminded of The Oasis from Ready Player One. A person could stay here all day doing all kinds of dumb stuff and completely avoid real life.

[Rare White Ape]

The few times I tried GTA Online (on PS4) it was a confusing mess. There's almost nothing in the way of a tutorial, and it's all so different to story mode.

I don't know how the first people figured any of it out, but now those people EXPECT you to know everything, despite your glaringly obvious lvl 5 tag next to your username.

I've spent about two hours with it, many years ago. I figured I couldn't be one bit fucked with it.

[George]

The few times I tried GTA Online...

Nice to know I'm not the only one who is content with Story Mode. I mean, I like Online just fine now that it's free, but it feels like I'm playing a side game and not my main thing.

A question I didn't find an answer for through google: in the "mini-map" in the lower left corner, I know from Story Mode that solid red circles are bad guys, cops when you're wanted, angry gang members, Trevor's rampage targets, carjacking victims who want to fight, and other hostile people.

In Online, what or who are hollow red circles? They're like an outline of a circle in a brighter red than the usual solid red circles. I didn't think to take a screenshot. This has happened at least three times now: I'm robbing a store and suddenly - well before the police have arrived - I get shot in the back through the glass or maybe they open the door while my back is turned. I don't think these are other human players; I think they're civilian NPCs. Twice now they've taken shelter behind my car and continued to shoot at me as I flee the store with my sack o' loot.

The last time, I shot the guy and he fell down, but he continued to shoot at my car as I fled as quickly as I could. While looking at the mini-map to see where the cops were coming from so I could escape in other directions, I noticed the hollow red circle where he was.

Are there vigilante NPCs and is that their symbol once they attack?

I'm thinking perhaps I shouldn't rob stores with a bunch of people standing around outside, especially since I haven't unlocked anything but Ultra-Light Armor yet.

[SkylineObsession]

Yep, they're just NPC's you've annoyed, or so on. You can get the same thing to happen at red lights, by beeping incessantly at the cars in front/beside you etc and they'll either blow the red light, or get annoyed and pull you out of your car to beat the shirt out of you.